God in marriage

Overcome the Fear of Rejection in Your Marriage & Relationships

“I’m married and haven’t had sex in two years,” a person recently shared with stress and disappointment in his/her voice (names and gender not mentioned for privacy).  “I don’t know how it got this bad and I’ve been sleeping in another room for quite some time now.  My spouse says that he/she needs ‘time’ to sort things out and while I’ve given her/him a lot of time out of respect, I’m still treated terribly and I want to address the situation about how I’m treated and our intimacy problem, but I’m afraid to.  I’m also feeling tempted sometimes by other people in my life who are around me at the gym and where I work, who are very nice and are giving me attention that I’m not getting at home and I’m afraid I might cave to the temptation and make a bigger mess.” 

What is this person and many others we have talked to really afraid of?  Rejection.

Some psychologists would tell you that fear of rejection is rooted in low self-esteem, and Julie and I would tell you that it is rooted in a low ‘God-esteem.’   To esteem God is “to regard highly or favorably; regard with respect or admiration” 

When we have a low view of God and/or are ignorant of His nature and promises, or do not believe His promises are for us personally we will fear rejection from people. 

We will avoid hard conversations because they are hard, and because it will require strength and courage to face the problem and the people or person that the problem is with.  In the situation above there are 2 fears that this person is struggling with:

  1. Fear of rejection…what if his/her spouse says ‘no’ to any intimacy and does not want to work on the marriage?  What will that mean?  As humans we get to choose what that means. Fearful vs. faith-filled people will define the meaning of rejection in very different terms.  How do you define rejection when it happens to you?  What meaning do you give when you feel rejected?

  2. Fear of succumbing to temptation…what if eventually I can no longer stay strong and I ‘cave’ to the temptation of other ‘offers’ for love, attention and intimacy?

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The first fear is based on this person’s belief that another human can determine his/her value instead of believing God that his/her worth is found in Him, not in the actions or opinions of others.

While the fact that being sexually deprived in a marriage does put you at risk for temptation to arise (see 1 Corinthians 7:5), the fear for this person is that he/she will eventually not be strong enough to continue to ward off sexual temptation which opposes the promise of God in 1 Corinthians 10:13 AMP that says: “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].” 

As Julie and I have mentored people we have discovered that many believers are believing God will be true to His promises for others, but they struggle to believe that He will be true to His promises for them personally.  So if that is you today, perhaps this verse will be a great reminder that: 

“He who did not spare [even] His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”  Romans 8:32 AMP

Do your words and ‘stories’ you have told yourself reflect the truth in God’s Word above?

We encourage you to ask God to help you with your unbelief.  He desires for us all to possess and exhibit great faith in Him. Ask the tough questions, start the hard conversation and believe God to overcome the fear that is keeping you from transforming your life and relationships.  What are you waiting for?

If this post resonated with you and if you would like a free 20-min. consult with Julie and I to receive personalized tips on how to ask tough questions, or start the hard conversation and overcome your own fear, worry or anxiety click here.

Fearless in Him,

Jamie

Are you curious to know how much fear, worry and anxiety is impacting your life? Take our free quiz to learn how fearful, worried and anxious you really are?

1 Reason You May Be Disappointed In Your Marriage, and What To Do About It

I’ll start by saying that there are many reasons that a person can have for being disappointed in their marriage.Today, I’m going to cover one reason that I have discovered can cause disappointment in your marriage and what you can do to find satisfaction.

Recently, I was talking with a friend who described her husband in this way,  “He is everything to me; I love him and he totally completes me. I don’t know what I would do without him. I have given up everything to be with him. Yet, I still feel very insecure, and I wish he would change his ways to make me feel more important.”  As she spoke I thought, “God longs for us to love Him so much that He is our “everything’”, the One Who completes us; the Person for Whom we would give up everything; and the One we cannot imagine living without.” When that is truly our heart toward God we will be freed from the unrealistic expectation that our spouses can ever fully satisfy our need for security and love that only God can provide.

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Stop expecting your spouse to fill every need to you have; he/she is NOT God.  God wants to “complete” us.  God created us with a space that only He can fill.  A human cannot “complete” us.  When we look to ANY human to fill our every need and desire we will be left disappointed.  We are not capable of being “everything” to anyone!  If we are not careful, we can put our spouse in the position of God in our lives, and expect more from him than he is able to give.  We must worship only the Creator, not the spouse he created.  Yes, we can deeply love our spouses, but it is a sin to make our spouses an idol in our lives which is what we do when we love and worship our spouses more than we do God.

God’s Word tells us:

Matthew 6:33

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Isaiah 44:6

“This is what the Lord says— Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God.”

Jeremiah 13:10

"These wicked people, who refuse to listen to my words, who follow the stubbornness of their hearts and go after other gods to serve and worship them, will be like this belt—completely useless!"

Romans 1:25

"They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen."

Deuteronomy 6:5

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength."

Ask God to give you a heart that makes Him the first “love of your life!”  

We often want God to be OVER our marriage, when God wants to be IN our marriage.  Here’s a simple diagram to demonstrate the difference.

Do you look at God from a distance as being in “heaven” far away, hoping he’s looking “over” your marriage?

                                                        God

                                 Husband<——————->Wife

Or, have you invited Him to be where He longs to be, “in” and at the very center of your marriage?

                       Husband<—————>God<—————>Wife

Written by Jamie Shaver

Are you curious to know how much fear, worry and anxiety is impacting your life? Take our free quiz to learn how fearful, worried and anxious you really are?